Knitting Jag

 

 

 

 

 

A knitting jag is best described as that project that is so damn entertaining that it gets under your skin to the point that it's all you want to knit. I don't usually get them (other than the felted clog debacle of '08) once I'm done with a project, I move on. After all, there are millions of entertaining things to knit out there.

However, when Joplin came out last month, I started Rav messaging with Wollwerk-Simone Eich. After some back and forth messaging, I went to friend her and had a stupid fangirl moment when I realized who I was chatting with. I had about half of her patterns in my favs on Rav, and had just bought the yarn for Fairy's Wing. Simone's patterns have a fantastic riot of color that's incredibly appealing to me. I generally like people who think outside of the box to produce something unique, and Simone's patterns do just that.

Sadly, Fairy's Wing is a quickly knit shawl, so much so that when I was done, I decided to knit one for my friend Jess when she admired mine.

And sadly again, I sat and knit until I got an ass cramp, so that one was done far too quickly as well. Then Deborah admired the one I knit for Jess, and she became my next victim.

This one was done in less than 24 hours. I beaded the tips at the bind off points on mine and added a fairy charm at the end. Jess's didn't get beaded as the yarn has sequins but added a fairy charm to hers as well. Deborah's yarn wasn't sparkly, but when I asked her about beading via text, she didn't answer, which in Deborah speak is no (my bestie is very polite) I did add a fairy charm to hers too though, I couldn't resist.

I can't say that I'm done knitting these, even though I'm onto other projects. I knit the Victorian ponchette this week (no pics yet as it's pinned to the floor blocking) What's so appealing to me about Fairy's wing is the shape plus the knitting. It combines YO's with dropped stitches and the only thing I like better than YO's in knitting is dropping stitches. I find it ridiculously amusing to the point where I cannot put it down. Don't start one of these if you have something else to do anytime soon.

Pattern is easy to understand and I found no errata, so I give it 2 needles up.

P.S. although I'm done with Fairy's wing (for now) I'm not done knitting Simone's shawls Backnang '13 is currently on the needles using a combo of Festivus yarn from Jess and Einband.

Joplin

 

 

 

A couple things happened this morning that are cool in very different ways. First, and way more importantly, this morning I hit what was my original goal weight. I have lost 165 lbs. Second, with the encouragement of Deborah, I published a pattern on Rav. Joplin (named after Janis) is a free pattern for a light weight hippy style summer scarf that I knit out of a single skein of Noro silk garden sock years ago. And never wore.

That's right, this lovely thing sat in the bottom of the handknits basket until I discovered it on Thursday and decided it looked awesome with my leather coat and skull and crossbones knitter tee. The sad truth is that it's been sitting there for years because of something I've talked about in previous posts "the handknits will get you noticed" thing. Let's just let it all hang out here, I weighed 335 pounds when I started dieting. Even at 5 10' I was a big girl. I hid. Constantly. That weight was my shield from the world. I'm still adjusting to not having that anymore. Despite the fact that I loved that scarf, I never would have worn it for fear it would get me noticed, and fuck that just pisses me off. Why would I do that to myself? I get that my wardrobe choices have expanded since I've lost weight (that pisses me off too) and that I spent years in men's black t-shirts from Walmart because that was all I could fit in/afford. But Joplin was made by me and I certainly could have worn it at any size, and frankly I'm embarrassed that I didn't. Please don't ever let society or anyone tell you at any size that you aren't good enough, or pretty enough, or should be ashamed of the way you look. Be proud, and get noticed. Janis would approve :D

 

No apologies

 

 

The above hat was made as an apology. In fact, it got nicknamed I'm sorry for being such a doofus hat, and I actually had a blog post planned about it. The truth is that this is the last knitted thing I will ever make out of guilt.

Last week I attended a mandatory work training that I have to go to every 6 months. Because of HIPAA concerns, I don't discuss my job often, but this particular training has to do with conflict resolution and also doing restraints. Thank goodness restraints is not a regular part of my job, but for safety concerns, every 6 months I have to go to be re-certified to do them.

I don't ever look forward to these trainings, your grade is partially based on participation, which means having to speak in front of other people (something I can't stand) and practicing restraints. In the past, I was always too fat to have anyone try to restrain me. I've been going to these trainings every 6 months for almost 10 years now, and have never been asked to be the one being restrained. I was always the one doing the restraining, and while I didn't like it, it made it tolerable.

All that changed last week. We were standing around when I heard the following "Kim, so and so will take you down, and so and so will come in on the legs" My heart literally skipped a beat. I cannot stand people I don't know touching me. CANNOT STAND IT. I was so freaked out that I became speechless and somehow ended up flat on mats with 3 people holding me down. This is the stuff of nightmares. I was mortified when I teared up in front of 8 other people, but when I was released, I managed to spit out that I absolutely would not be restrained again. I'm pissed that I let it happen once. I can only assume the shock of being asked somehow prevented me from saying" no fucking way" but I still felt bad about the refusal. Enough that I wanted to apologize for it? Well this particular instructor had spied a hat I had made for another co-worker around Festivus and had asked for one, but frankly wouldn't have gotten one if I hadn't of felt guilty about my behavior.

This week has been a mental mind fuck for me dieting wise. I'm not going off my diet, just eating too much. The other morning, my stomach was growling so loud, my coworkers could hear it. That never happens. One of the great things for me about Atkins is that I'm never hungry. My stomach growling was so odd for me, it made me stop to think and wonder what the fuck is going on? Why am I eating all the things?

The mental mind fuck ended last night when I finally managed to connect eating all the things to the training. All behavior has meaning behind it. A lot of the time I have trouble connecting the way I'm acting to what I'm feeling, and was struck dumb by the fact that I'm eating too much this week because if I'm fat again, nobody will try to touch me. It's as simple as that. It's been my life-long experience that if you are fat, people will leave you alone. By far the hardest part about losing weight for me has been the social issues that it brings up. Somehow I have to reconcile people acknowledging my existence, or I am going to end up fat again as a means of self preservation.

I will also no longer feel guilty or apologize for my social anxiety. Never again. I will not apologize or feel bad about not being "normal" Everyone has issues, this just happens to be mine. It's not like I'm choosing to be different, that's just the way I am. It's not something to feel guilty over. You shouldn't feel bad over the type of person you are (unless you're an asshole, then go ahead) The only way to be as mentally healthy as I'm going to be is not to feel bad about my basic personality. From now on, I own my own crazy. And I'm not sorry about it.

Hat is Rasta hat pattern by Shannita Williams. I used about a skein of Patons classic grey wool for it, left the brim off and decresed the stitch count by 8. Great pattern, and free.

The sweater that tried to kill me

 

 

 The above sweater looks so innocent right? This is the Gnarled Oak Cardigan by Alana Dakos that I made for my friend Jess's birthday. Way back in January, I remember Jess saying she had never had a handknit sweater. Now I know most people wouldn't consider this a tragedy of epic proportions, but I am the grandaughter of 2 fabulously crafty ladies, and have been swaddled in handmade garments since birth. To me, there is no better way to express your love for someone than a handknit gift, but a sweater? All knitters know that knitting someone a sweater is the ultimate gift.

That being said, this knitter is smart enough to make sure the sweater is something the recipient is going to like before I even cast on, so me and Jess started the sweater debate followed closely by the even greater yarn debate. Choosing the actual pattern wasn't much of an issue, I'm a huge fan of Alana's designs and Gnarled Oak was in my Rav favs anyway, so that got settled on quickly. Yarn however took some time. Jess said just pick something, and the debate was off from there. I sent her the Shitpicks (more on that in another blog post) page, and said "you pick". Eventually she chose the lovely jalapeno, and once it arrived I settled down and started swatching (knitting the sleeve)

This is where the trouble started. And if I had been paying attention, maybe a foreshadowing of the trouble ahead. The pattern says use a US 4 and 5, but I usually have to up at least one needle size as I'm a tight knitter so, I cast on the required amount of sleeve stitches on size 5's, did the ribbing section, moved up to a 6, and knit enough to get an accurate measurement away from the needles. Stitch gauge was off by a stitch, so I did the same on US 4's and 5. And was still off. After cursing the sleeve, and telling the sweater if it didnt stop fucking around, it wasn't getting knit, I cast on AGAIN on US 3's and the switched to 4's. The sweater must have taken my threat seriously, and I got gauge, but I now think the sweater was secretly plotting it's revenge.

After finishing the sleeve, I cast on for the body. The body of Gnarled Oak is knit in one piece from the bottom up and very cleverly designed so you get a lovely sweater with minimal finishing. I was almost about to separate for the sleeves when this happened.

My addi snapped. I was shocked, but reasoned it was an old pair of addi's and I was asking too much of it. Sometimes my loyalty will blind me to reality. So I quickly ordered another pair and knit Cherub a Destoyed Cowl while I awaited their arrival.

 

 

I quickly settled down to Gnarled Oak again afterwards as Jess's birthday was quickly approaching and was almost to the charted section of the very top of the sweater.

 

 

 

 

When this happened

 

 

Yup, the fuckers snapped again. Now, I thought about reasoning again with the addi's, but frankly I was pissed. Yes, it's an entire sweaters worth of wool, but at 20 dollars a pop, your knitting needle should be able to hold that. I had been hearing good things about Chiaogoo needles from twitter knitters, so I reasoned those were worth a try (also only $8 including shipping) when they arrived, I fell head over heels for them. I got the lace ones so the tip is sharper than I'd like, but the cord is slicker than a used car salesman and made the rest of the sweater fly by. The cord slickness also pointed out the problem with the addi's. Addi's cords are so unslippy compared with their needle tips I was constantly tugging to get the sweater to move along the cord. All this tugging must have caused the cords to pull right out of the needle tips.

 

Soon the sweater looked like this.

 

And then like this

 

 

 

And after reblocking the buttonband because that pulling on the top was bugging the shit outta me.

 

 

 

It's so pretty and Jess loves it. I cannot say enough good things about this pattern or Alana. The pattern is beautifully written and includes all the info you'd want to know without bogging you down with stuff and making it too wordy. Also Alana includes the big girls in her sizes who want pretty sweaters, making her my hero.

 

Everything happens for a reason, even if you can't see it at the time. This sweater taught me quite a bit really.

 

1. Don't ever give up. When encountering gauge problems and needles breaking, all that crap is easily fixable, and it's not the end of the world, it's just a sweater.

 

2. Don't let loyalty blind you to reality. This can be said for both knitting needles and people really.

 

3. Sometimes it's all worth it.

 

That last one is the most important.

 

It's been so long since I blogged, I forgot how much I like it. I resolve to try to be a better blogger in the future, and when I feel like it. Some upcoming posts include: The undeniable true story of Shitpicks and the police, Noro (a love affair) and a handknit is the best way to say "I'm sorry I'm such a doofus"

 

 

 

Way up on my Soapbox

Last night I had another lunatic melatonin dream that involved me and Deborah stealing donuts and force feeding them to the models in Vogue Knitting. Taking Melatonin seems to scrabble up my days events and spit them back out in dream form. I had been to Dunkin Donuts to get a sandwich for my daughter and Deborah had emailed me the designs from Vogue Knitting right before bedtime. Both Deborah and I consider it huge fun to go through it and make fun of the designs, and normally I'm not bothered by the models. Or at least I thought I wasn't.

According to Food Research and Action Center, 68.8% of adults in the US are overweight or obese and 35.7% are obese. That means those models in Vogue Knitting and the ones most of the designers on Rav use arent representing the majority of the population. Yes, there are women in real life that look like those models, but where in the hell are the ones who look like 68.8% of the population? Where are the ones who look like me?

It occured to me about halfway through ranting with Deborah that this may be part of the reason that I still feel too fat for my own sweater. Even after losing 125 pounds, I'm still average sized. Average in that I look like the majority of the population, not like those sweater models. If I'm a reasonably sane 38 year old women, who knows that chunky is sexier, what do those pics mean to me?

Only this. That I very rarely see a sweater that's flattering to my body type on a model that has boobs and a butt (not that I have boobs anymore, but the butts still there). We all know how much work a sweater is, and wouldn't it be nice to see one that you would know in advance would look good on you, because damn, that curvy girl is looking slamming in it?

I've already decided that I will no longer be supporting designers who don't offer a wide range of sizes. I don't buy the excuse that some sweaters don't look good on certain body types, thats a matter of opinion. Yes, I can fit in smaller sizes now, but I spent years feeling bad about myself because I couldn't. That's not something I'm going to forget, and I refuse to buy patterns that don't include people of all sizes.

Some bad ass designers do include people of all shapes and sizes though. My current favs are Tin Can Knits who has sizes up to 4XL and Never Not Knitting/ Alana Dakos. You still have to look at finished objects for the most part to see the sweater on an "average" but at least they offer all the sizes.

Most people feel bad or apologize for "getting up on a soapbox". Not me. And I'm not getting off the damn thing either.

On the knitting front, I've finished my Big Herringbone Cowl. I used about 5 skeins of Knitpicks bulky......something? Whatever, I picked it up at the before Festivus blowout sale. Any bulky yarn will work.

 

 

 I also finished The Jolly Roger Shawl by Aino Haikala. I used 2 skeins each of Spud and Chloe's Fine sock in Hippo and Sidewalk. I also upped the needle for the body to a size 5 and used a 6 for the lacy part.

 

 

Now I'm onto a Gnarled Oak Cardigan for my friend Jess's birthday.

 

I'm further along than this, (knitting the body) but this is the best pic I have of the color. Jess was kind enough to pick the sweater and the yarn, even though it was under duress. Am absolutely in love with the pattern, it's really well written, and after I screwed around with getting gauge 2 times, I warned it not to fuck around on the 3rd attempt or it was going to sweater jail. The above pic is my 1st attempt, and even though I call it swatching, you can cleary see I'm knitting a sleeve.

 

Missing my Bubble (a mostly non-knitting post)

*Warning: if you are not currently over-weight, or have never had a weight problem, you will most likely have no idea what the hell I'm talking about in the following post*


I've always had social anxiety issues. Since I was a kid I've been uncomfortable around strangers, large groups of people and at times, just people in general. I think the only reason I remain un-medicated for anxiety issues is my ability for the most part to ignore those around me. I have a small group of excellent friends who I trust love me no matter what and above and beyond that, my bestie Deborah who loves me the most and doesn't judge my icky bits.

My icky bits are tripping me up lately though. Being overweight for me was like living in a protective bubble. Society ignores the obese for the most part except when they are making fun of it. Now that a large part of the weight is off, I desperately miss that protective bubble. When you have social anxiety issues, being ignored is what you are after. It's my social nirvana.

People are talking to me now. People that are acquaintances, but strangers too! Not only does it completely freak me out, but it pisses me off too. Frankly, if you don't think someone is worth talking to because they are overweight, go fuck yourself. When nervous, I tend to blurt out crazy/stupid shit all the time without thinking first. If you follow me on Twitter, that's exactly who I am in real life. I say and do stupid shit all the time. I figure on Twitter it's a bit safer because I can't see the shocked look on people's faces when I tweet something stupid. When I say something equally stupid in real life, I find it hard to deal with that deer in the headlights look folks get as they slowly back away.

People aren't backing away so quickly now. In fact they will ask you questions, pay you compliments or ask where you got your sheep shoes from. It's almost as if people will tolerate your crazy if you are thin enough. That fucks with your head.......or my head. Whatever.

Everybody says that all behavior has meaning behind it. That seems to be true for me. In the past week, Ive been munching when not hungry. Not really cheating on my diet as I didn't have carbs etc. just mindless eating. When I stopped to think about the why, the social anxiety thing hit me hard. If I am fat, for the most part people will leave me alone which is what I'm after. It's very hard to reconcile that with losing weight. If I go with the all behavior has meaning thing, it's likely that is the very reason I was so overweight to begin with.

On the knitting front? Not much happening really. I have started and almost completed 2 sweaters only to be mindfucked by own anxiety. For the first sweater, I picked out a drapey style that is so unlike my personal style that I would never actually wear it and for the second attempt, everything went along swimmingly until I reached the sleeves. Despite knowing better, I convinced myself that my intarsia skulls were shitty and wouldnt block evenly.

Why would I do this? I'm not ready to wear a handknit sweater. I'm firmly convinced that all people in handknits get extra attention and that's exactly the opposite of what I'm after. Deborah has done her best to convince me that it's not everybody notices handknits, but I'm not buying it. When I see someone wearing a handknit, my eyes focus on it like a laser. I want to figure out the yarn, pattern and analyze their knitting skill. Knitting is so much a part of my personality that I cannot think outside that mindset.

So for now, am working on projects for other people. Sometimes it's an excellent way to get your head outta your own ass. As far as dieting goes, I'm back on the right track. Making the connection between my anxiety level and overeating has helped a little to deal with it. I'm hoping that in the end, I will just get used to it.

I want a pocket sheep

It's entirely possible that I'd need medication if not for knitting. My family (if not law enforcement) would demand it. The last 4 days have been a complete travesty, and the longest I have gone without since I was 9.

On Wednesday I had to take a state required CPR course after working the night before. I hadnt been feeling great all week, but it was that type of sickness that's really more annoying than anything else. About halfway through the CPR course, my right eye started bugging me. Kinda tearing up and generally being annoying when I was trying to concentrate on not being grossed out about sharing a dummy with other people. It was when we had a bathroom break that I noticed the unmistakable signs of pinkeye. If you've ever had it, you won't forget what it looks like. Since the dummy was already disease ridden in my mind and probably gave me pinkeye, I finished up the class and called my mother to inform her of my condition.

In retrospect, I'm not sure why I called my mother. Yes she's a RN with more than 40 years experience, but I also completely ignored her when she told me to go to the doctor right away which she has not let me forget about since.

On Thursday morning I finally caved, went to the doctor and was diagnosed with double pink eye and a sinus infection. The kindly doctor sent me on my merry way with antibiotics for both my eyes and my sinuses.

It was later that afternoon when I started to notice a problem. My arms were really, really sore. Being the dumbass I am, I figured it was from all the pounding I had done on the disease ridden dummy the day before. If youv'e never taken a CPR course, you will be shocked on how hard you have to pound on those dummies. Surely if the dummy was concious and had arms, it would sit up and throat punch you for being so abusive.

Anyway, by 10pm I thought I was dying. I had what could only be described as charlie horse pains from my collar bone to the tips of my fingers, in my legs and my feet had gone completely numb. Off we went to the ER. The ER doc explained that although rare, this was one of the side effects of the antibiotic I had been put on. I was so relieved I wasnt dying, that it didnt occur to me at the time that there wasnt really anything they could do to help me. I would have to wait it out.

So here I am almost 3 days after the ER visit, still not being able to knit properly. I did for a bit this morning, and thought a thousand bees had gotten inside my shirt and were attacking. One of the side effects of this medication is nerve irritation. Theres a fancy medical term for it, but I cant remember what it is. So my arms are still sore, slightly numb and feel like I'm being attacked by a army of really pissed off bees.

Instead of knitting, I've been looking at yarn online, looking at patterns online, looking at old knitting magazines and reading Clara Parkes Book of Wool again. I also am being a complete grumpy, whiney pain in the ass. I admit it, I'm kinda lost without knitting. Do people really just sit and watch TV? I find it boring to the point I keep dozing off like my grampa used to do.

The only light in my life these past 4 days has been the Brooks Brothers singing lamb commercial. This video brightened my bleak non-knitting hole like you wouldnt believe. I played it so much that Cherub kept asking me if I was "finished yet" ( I wasnt).

It also led to the following conversation on Twitter with @breigaren. I had been wondering if it would be possible if I could keep the wee lambs on my back deck or even in my apartment.

breigaren: sheep rock!

Me: wish there was a tiny sheep I could keep as an apartment sheep

breigaren: like those tiny horses, pocket sheep!

Me:exactly. Someone needs to work on this. Like a mini BFL.

breigaren: and Cherub can make braids! Would look cute on sheep.

Me: She'd be so pissed. Pocket sheep would steal all the attention :D

breigaren: nah, she can play with sheep

Me: she would have to get her own sheep

breigaren:uh,uh, catfight coming up next...(sits on side with drinks and crisps)

Me: she can have the shirt off my back, but I'm not sharing my pocket sheep. I'll be a naked sheep lady

breigaren: Lady Godiva of sheep?

Me: nah, hairs not long enough

breigaren: extentions from BFL!

Me: You're a damn genius

It turns out some people do have pet sheep. This guy uses his as a coffee table. I imagine his long suffering wife constantly telling him " GET YOUR FEET OFF THE SHEEP!!! "

 

 

This is more my style, although my poor pocket sheep wouldnt have any houseplants to nibble on since I only remember to water children and animals. I'd be happy to buy it some bagged salad though.